hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
