He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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