he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
