why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
