you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
