just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
