Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The best revenge is premature balding
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
