I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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