Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
