I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
