Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
