you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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