There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
