The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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