did you get engaged???
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
