didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
