is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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