THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
