best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
