Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
