Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
