i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize