Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
