nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize