her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
