i don't like sucking hair
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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