FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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