I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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