was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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