you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
