Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
