It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
