Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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