Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
