ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
