2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
