Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
