I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
