we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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