somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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