i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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