The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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