so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
