The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
