Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
