Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
