Did you just see the Batmobile???
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
