Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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