A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
