Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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