hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
