i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize