its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
