I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
3pm strippers are depressing
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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