Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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