Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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