I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
