do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
