Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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