I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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