alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
