ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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