Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
