Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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