Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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