Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The air taste purple.
Randomize
